Well, Well - Did You Miss Me?

Long time no hear. Yes, I'm finally at the keyboard and don't know what to do with myself first: I have a book to finish, stories to submit, reading to catch up on, friends to reacquaint with, closets to purge and a pool that I've yet to close. Aaah! It's clear that I need to find another job but in these desperate times this is not something to joke about. I know that I'm extremely lucky. There are many who would trade places with me but why do I pretend I can do it all? Will I be able to survive my demanding job AND fulfill my dream of being a writer? I'll be honest - I'm not sure.

I was supposed to have been on a cruise or at least getting myself prepared for one, but the weather is not cooperating. Too many storms originating from Cape Verde and potentially making landfall in the Caribbean. In my usual obsessive way, I've read everything there is to know about hurricanes and their effects on cruise ships. I know how, when, and where they originate from, poured over maps and learned out to read them until finally there was nothing else I could do except nix the cruise for this year. I wouldn't be losing any money because I hadn't booked it yet. Well, why not you say?

Lately everything I do is at the last minute. My job is soo consuming that I can't even plan a vacation! Maybe next year? I do have another two weeks of vacation. Maybe I'll take a cruise in November. All is not lost though. I see this setback as a sign that the universe is urging me to finish my book and polish those short stories and SUBMIT them already. Let's face it, I wouldn't have written anything on the cruise; too many distractions. Instead, weather permitting, I am sunning and relaxing in my backyard. As soon as I see a speck of sun, I run out with my bathing suit, sun screen, and all of my technological accoutrements (laptop, my two blackberries, notepads and notebook) and bask in it while I write and read.

I've already gotten some pool time in. Last Friday the pool was absolutely perfect. Yesterday I had about an hour or two before the clouds set in; today it's gotten much cooler but I lasted for about two hours before the wind picked up and the clouds chased me back in. My neighborhors must be laughing at me - everyone else has their pool closed! Only 'moi' still has it opened, but partially covered. You see, I close my pool in stages, thereby maximizing the pool to it's full potential. I don't despair if I can't close it all at once. As long as the chemicals are in and the cover is on, I can rest assured that my son will do the rest of the dismantling (Thank you son!). According to the weather report, the temperature will rise again towards the end of the week and, keeping my fingers crossed, I might be able to go in one last time. I know, I know - it is October but this cold snap was unexpected. The last vacation I had was in March and I am so desperate for some time off, even if it's spent at home. It's been a fruitful time so far. Two weeks ago I submitted two of my stories to an online literary journal and yesterday was spent editing and rereading. I'm extremely happy with the two short pieces that I've recently written. I will be editing these with an eye for submission. And then there's Celeste - my short story/novelette/novel. Celeste refuses to stop nagging me. She wants her story told. This will be her week, I'm certain.

What's keeping your from writing? What are you struggling with? Do you think I'll make it? Anyone have a crystal ball?

No I haven't fallen off the face of the earth....

Psst...just wanted to tell this post was started on June 5th!

No - I haven't disappeared.  Nothing nefarious happened to me that can't be explained by this one phrase:   life has gotten to be very busy of late.  Summer is the busiest time of the year for me for many reasons.  First my son has returned from college.  Life as I know it changes, but in a good way.  My son's return also means it's time to open up the  pool, time to clean the backyard and time to do some gardening.  As the Bible states "...a time for every purpose under heaven."  

I don't have a garden per se -- one day -- but I love to buy flowers and pot them in my planters and place them strategically around the backyard so that I can pretend to have a real garden.  Then there's my job.  My job just heats up in the summer (pardon the pun!).  It gets so busy that I actually can't wait for September to roll around.  I barely enjoy the summer anymore.  Something must be done.  I want my summer back and I think once my son finishes college, I should look for a less stressful job.  Wish I could ditch the job all together and write all day but that's another dream... 

After the pool is opened, the flowers planted, I look forward to enjoying the pool even if it's just on the weekends.  (This has been my first weekend fully devoted to me - but alas, the sun is playing hide and seek with the clouds.)

June was not very kind weather wise.  If I remember correctly since it's now just a blur - the weather was lousy.  I could count the number of times I used the pool.  Even the one day that my boss gave me her blessings to work from home, the weather quickly deteriorated and great, big black clouds pursued me as soon as I had a free moment that I could have taken a dip.  Whenever I'd look up from my laptop, the sky above me was dark and turbulent while further in the distance i was sure someone had clear, blue skies.   But it wasn't all work.  I did have some fun and wonderful surprises in May.  First I won Vampire Ascending by my good friend Lorelei Bell.  Sabrina, her main character, kicks butt and finds herself in very unusual circumstances, surrounded by Vampires and shape shifters and mired in a mystery she was chosen to uncover, yet everyone can relate to her.  I truly enjoyed it and I'll say it right off the bat (pun very much intended!) I am not a fan of Vampire fiction yet Lorelei has a different take on it which you have to read to find out!  Furthermore Sabrina has a gift that makes her special (she's a touch clairvoyant) yet at heart she wants what everyone else wants.  Will she get it?  I can't wait to read the sequel to find out.

Lorelei really knows how to suck you in (need I say it again?) into the world her characters inhabit.  I am hoping to write a review as soon as I have the time.

I'm still in the middle of hell.  Once the summer is over, I'll have the time to write again.   Today has been a gift in more ways.  I can finally use my notebook when I'm out sunbathing.  I didn't realize that I only had to lighten the screen.  I couldn't see a thing!  Once the fall is here though, I'll have time to write and be with my online friends who inspire me to become a published writer one day.

When fall comes, only the most basic necessities will be tended to - the laundry, the food shopping, hopefully the exercise!  Working 12 hour days definitely does not give you time to exercise and that's another reason why I have to find another job but before I start on another tangent --  I won ANOTHER book.  May was short story month and to publicize the short story, Tania Hershman along with other blog writers were given away one short story collection.   My name was picked again!  I should have entered Lotto but who had time?  Anyway, thank you Tania Hershman and all other writers and newbie writers like me who want to keep the short story alive!!!  I won Roy Kesey's award-winning short story collection All Over.  I anxiously waited it for it and lo and behold the package soon came in the mail.  What a beautiful collection it is - inside and out.  The cover is amazing!  Needless to say I was captivated and effortlessly transported into its world as soon as I started reading it, as if I've always been there lurking in the shadows.  I know these people.  They are not strangers to me.  This is what good writing does.  The writing doesn't have to show off in order to make you pay attention.  I haven't finished all of the stories yet -- I'm hoping to do so this weekend -- but the ones I read so far have been wonderful.    

I have even managed to do some writing of my own.  You can just imagine how jealous I was after reading Lorelei's book and then Roy Kesey's.  I was afraid to look at my stories and I resisted as much as possible but last week between doing laundry and watching the movie "The Others" I actually starting rewriting one of my short stories and LIKING it.   I'm hoping this forced haitus has made me a better writer, that subconsciously there have been changes that I'm not aware of but will come through in my writing.  There have been so many twists and turns in my life lately that I can only believe that I'm being led somewhere.

Meeting Lorelei has been another one of those coincidences that I can't explain.  It all started last fall when I happened to have found the Thresholds Short Story Forum.  Since then universe has immersed me in writing and has littered my way with authors and writers who have all been wonderful inspiration; who've helped me fine-tune my vision; and who've given me the confidence to continue on my journey. I'm still a work in progress, obviously.  I don't know when I'll have anything published, if any.  I am hoping that now that the first rush of summer is over, I can find the time to schedule my writing once again.  But to get back to Vampire Ascending (sorry but I'm here again!), the funny thing is that I am not really a fan of Vampire fiction (I know - I've already told you this - apologies!) and I didn't know Lorelei from the proverbial Adam...I tried reading the Twilight books (I think I have the last one) but I just couldn't get into it.  To be honest what made me click on Lorelei's link was the book cover she posted on the Writer's Digest Community page.  From there I read the blurb and it sounded interesting to me and the rest is history.  Anyway friends, it's time to go to bed.  Tomorrow is going to be a very busy day.  103 new people will be starting and we have to make sure they have everything they need as soon as they hit the desk!  Next Monday (July 18th) there's another 200 people.  I can't wait for next week to be over but in the meanwhile here's another shoutout to Tania Hershman and Lorelei Bell.  Thank you so much!

Some Good News on the Blackberry Front or As it's Commonly Known as... the "BB"

Yesterday you've heard me complain about another Blackberry (BB) upgrade.  Today I have some good news.  Remember the Column View feature I so dearly missed?  Well it's back - sort of - kind of.   For instance I was very intrigued by a series of articles that my blogging friend Terry Giuliano Long posted on her blog about focusing on a story  (*I will try linking to her website again:
The Art & Craft of Writing Creatively

For some reason this didn't work yesterday!  If it still doesn't work, please see my links on the right of this page!

Anyway I was checking Twitter on my BB and came upon her Tweet (I'm beginning to feel like I have a speech impediment!) *double* anyway, I couldn't read her page.  I tried using Zoom which on every other web page seems to work (I suspect that Wordpress pages might be the problem) but when I did that it blew up the page.  The only way I could read it was if I moved the cursor from side to side - very annoying.  I quickly closed out of it.  If I didn't have my notebook handy I wouldn't have gone back to read the articles, which are very good by the way.  Today, mindful that my BB upgraded itself during the night, I poked around to see if anything radically different occurred.  The first thing I did is look at the Webpage Options.  Sure enough under Browser Options you now have the option to choose "List" View.   I know that I didn't see this when my BB was first upgraded (I could be wrong) but now when I view Terry's page and I use the Zoom feature, it sizes the page exactly to my screen, enlarging the font.  You still have to watch where you place your cursor though...if you don't place it in the center when you want to scroll up and down you will again experience the "sea-sickness" I experienced when my screen moved from side to side.  Just writing about it is making me dizzy!!  I also have a very bad head cold or allergy - I'm not sure which.  I'm hoping that I can do what I promised to do today:  continue on writing my own story and cleaning the house -- my son is coming home from college.  Sorry for digressing, this is the third time now.

Another thing to look out for, fellow bloggers, and I will repeat what I said in yesterday's post, is how your page will open on other devices other than IPads, Notebooks,  IPhones and God knows what else they'll come up.  I suspect the next iteration will be that we will be all planted with a microchip-hmmm great idea for a story but I'm sure someone already thought of it.  If not let me know and I'll get started right away!  Granted technology moves too fast sometimes, but will those lagging behind be able to view and read your page?

Let me know if you've found any time-saving or new ways of navigating on your Blackberry.   I know there must be some quick keys - so far I only know "B" for bottom of screen and "T" for top of the screen.


Ciao for now.  Have a great Sunday!

I've Survived the End of the World - Will I Survive Another Blackberry Upgrade?

I'm afraid. No, not of the world ending. I'm pretty sure I've survived that but of my Blackberry upgrade.  This morning I noticed a new icon which just showed up on my Blackberry.  Next to the icon there's a great, big red dot that indicates it is time for another dreaded upgrade. Da Da Da Da Da Da Da Da (cue music from The Twilight Zone). 

For those of you who follow my blog, you've read my previous entry of "Why Can't They Leave Things Well Enough Alone?" You know what I've gone through trying to get used to the new settings, etc. My problem is that I now do most of my "other" work on my Blackberry.  Yes I now have two jobs and my time is very limited.  Unfortunately a lot of web pages are blocked at work and I also spend half my time on the so called "express" bus which is anything but express. As you know it was against my will that I bought the Blackberry in the first place (that will be another blog) but after I got it I was happy. My son wanted me to get a Droid but it was cost-prohibitive.  Sorry son - I love you and everything but we do have to keep a roof over our heads!   Since when did such a little-itty bitty phone get to be so expensive...so Verizon had a special which was buy one and get one free. I was due for an upgrade so like it or not, unless my son wanted to buy his own Droid, he would be stuck with the Blackberry (which he also loves BTW).  So far so good. 

As first I was disappointed because the Internet pages were too small to read even with my glasses (as an aside I am now part of the Senior Generation - but that's another blog) but then I found Column View Ahh. How I loved column view because it fit everything into the screen without my having to fiddle with anything. Unfortunately even though I've found so many wonderful things with this upgrade, such as having the ability to view multiple pages on the internet, the Zoom feature which replaces "Column View" doesn't always work. This morning for instance I found on Twitter - yes I am now Twittering!! I am so TweetHappy - I can be found as @FiorDiDee - nice ha? a really nice blog on http://www.tglong.com/blog/?p=359 on "8 Steps for Focusing Stories & Essays" because I think that's what I lack.  *Trying to add link  8 Steps For Focusing Stories & Essays; Focus, Part 2

When I clicked on the web page though the text was too large and even when I used the Zoom feature it was either still too large or too small.  I had to give up.  It was too much for me to slide from one side to the other to read the article.  So lesson for all of you bloggers out there - try not to put too many graphics or pictures - be mindful of those poor Blackberry owners like me who perhaps cannot log into their notebooks or laptops or IPads.

Sigh.  I will eventually have to upgrade.  I will let you know if I survive. 

Mother's Day is Over....Waiting for the Laundry to Be Done...Everyday Should be Mother's Day!

Yes I had a wonderful day.  Mother's Day has passed - I know - but it only took me this long to polish and finish this post. Bear with me. It would be nice if everyday were Mother's day! So let's pretend. Let's go back to that day, shall we? Cue music.

My mother was over for the weekend.  I picked her up on Saturday afternoon, after I managed to post a story for critique and she stayed over until Sunday, Mother's day.  We finished the weekend off at my brother's house and visits from two of my adorable grand-nieces and nephews and nieces. 

My mother hasn't been over for the weekend in a long time. The little time I have on the weekend I've been busy writing my opus and I thought it was time - plus it was Mother's Day.  When it comes to writing, I feel like I have the Devil at my heels and I must outwit him.  Now that I've finally accepted that I'm a writer, an artist, and I will do whatever I can to reach my dream of having something published, I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. My fantasy is being fed by the most horrible things I imagine will happen and so I'm frantically writing away. 

Mother's Day was predicted to be a beautiful weekend and it was. So off I went to pick Mom so she can get to do the two things she loves most: eating and shopping. I first took her to the Chinese Buffet -- she loves the buffet (so do I-and I only indulge when she's with me), shopped for lemons and other assorted vegetables (she's going to kill me if she reads this!), and other odds and ends.  We have to stop at every Odd Job and every Dollar Store in the vicinity otherwise she doesn't feel the weekend was productive.  She loves cups and pots - fascinated by them. The smaller the better. She must have hundreds in her cupboard by now! But we had a great time - that's all that matters.  The perfect ending was seeing both of my grand-nieces in one day.  What smart and wonderful little girls they are! 

Unfortunately all good things must end and it was back to reality.  There was laundry to be done and I hurried to do it before 11:00 pm while still struggling with what I had written earlier in the day. Reality intruded on my fantasy: my short stories still stink - okay maybe stink is too strong a word - and I have a long way to go.  There's so much I need to re-learn.  I feel like I've been asleep for thirty years and I've just woken up. At one time I was sure of my grammar, and now? I feel wholly inadequate and I need to play catch-up and revisit everything I think I know. How rusty I've become! It's as if I purposely forgot everything so I had a ready excuse not to write.   I need practice and more practice.  Oh Well.  

As soon as I came home I threw a load of laundry in the washing machine and there I was waiting for the dryer to finish.  Then it was off to bed.  Another day awaited.  How was your Mother's Day?

So I Lied...I'm Posting a Poem After All

We Rushed In

We rushed in like fools
for what we thought was love.
Loving then meant kind words,
and I was your “dear” and “honey,”
free to live out the future
without second guessing what we had.
Each day was easy, nothing was hard.
Words were spoken tenderly,
as we lay awake at night,
and we made love,
exploring,
devouring,
coming together as one.

And then the nights brought questions
We couldn’t find answers for.
The pillow was my friend
when words were hardly spoken,
when backs were turned,
when silence led us deeper
into regrets and doubts.

You couldn’t love me,
You couldn’t love yourself,
You couldn’t love the world
that embraced you.
Nothing was enough,
not the house,
not our son, whose searching
eyes you couldn’t pity.

Now someone else has taken my place.
Words of endearment
are hers now.
She is your "honey."
She is your "love."
You have taken
possession of all that she owns, all that she is.

Your shadow will soon fade,
But questions will remain
Haunting her days

Why Can't They Leave Things Well Enough Alone?

Just when I thought I knew everything I needed to know about my Blackberry along comes an upgrade that turns my life upside down!   I feel like Rick in Casablanca "Of all the gin joints, in all the towns, in all the world, ...." they have to change my Blackberry????

ANYWAY....I thought it would be a harmless little update.  Okay so I learned from the last update to save the drafts I wished to keep.  Last time all of the story and article ideas I had carefully typed on my Blackberry on my way to work while the Express bus hit every pothole on the boulevard, were wiped out.  My poor thumbs!  So along comes this upgrade.  This time though, I did save my drafts.  The first thing I noticed is that the home screen is entirely different. I quickly tested a couple of my favorite webpages to make sure that my beloved "column view" which facilitates the reading of the 1pt type by enlarging the font, is still there - but no - it's no longer available.  Oh woe is me.  In it's place there's a magnifying glass that makes the 1pt type humongous but the text doesn't fit on the screen so that I now  have to pan from side to side.  Do you feel my anxiety and frustration...this isn't fun!  And then trying to post!  OMG trying to type into those little text boxes is a trip.  I feel like I'm on an ocean liner in the middle of a stormy sea with my stomach doing flip-flops not knowing which way to go.  Where did my cursor go?  How I despaired!  But all is not lost.  Later in the day there's good news - great news actually - somehow the Zoom key regulated itself and now enlarges the text AND the text fills the the screen.  I don't have to pan from side to side.  The bad news is that now the Zoom key doesn't know when to stop and turn itself off.  I can't see when I post a comment so I need to zoom but when I do so, I'm stuck unable to extricate myself from the Zoom key:  I keep Zooming In and Zooming Out -  In and Out  even when I say "End ZOOM!"  Help!!  I haven't found a solution - yet -   and my choices are to either lose all that I've typed or close my eyes and hit the send button and hope that all is well, that in my predicament I somehow wrote a coherent sentence.


I know...I just have to get used to it.  But why can't they leave well enough alone????

(Note:  No you are not seeing things.  I re-edited the piece to make it flow better.)