A Picture I Took By My Bus Stop (I will have to look up the name)

A Picture I Took By My Bus Stop (I will have to look up the name)
I think these are Clematis (but don't quote me!) - This picture was taken by my bus stop

Saturday, February 11, 2012

I am so Grateful and Pictures of the Finished Bathroom - Part Deux


Sorry I had to publish the previous post even though I have a lot more to say.  After I copied the pics of my remodeling, the screen froze so much that I could hardly type so I decided on this follow-up post.  Anyhoo,  the remodeling went better than I expected and I am elated.  I learned so much from the whole experience.  The first is that I have to stop feeling like a little girl who is asking for the impossible.  The contractor was wonderful.  His work was top-notch, but despite this, there's always something that you see that you want fixed.  And here I stumbled.  I started feeling anxious at the very idea that I had to speak up; that I had to demand.  Duh, I paid him good money for him to do this work so why am I afraid to speak up?  I'll tell you why -- deep down I have the "I want to be liked" syndrome.  That's how I was brought up.  A girl/woman should be liked above all things; they shouldn't be too demanding, etc., etc., etc.  Well I did not cave in to these old tapes and I rose to the occasion.  Furthermore, he went ahead and fixed them to my satisfaction so I'm very proud of myself.  I think this was one of the reasons why I dreaded redoing the bathroom in the first place!  Ah, the things we hide from ourselves.  How creatively we spin our web of lies. 

The second thing I learned is that people will become jealous.  People you never thought in a million years would get jealous.  I took offense at someone's remark who thought it was funny -- I'm sure he didn't think I would lose sleep over it -- but I did not see the humor in it at all.  It hurt me but on the positive side I learned that I am no longer that person who will let people walk all over them.  That person is gone.

All in all, the remodeling was a good experience all around.  Have you ever felt anxious about speaking up?  Is there a decision, action you are neglecting to make?  Do you know why?

I am so Grateful and Pictures of the Finished Bathroom

Oh My Lord.  Let's see if this works.  I have my pics on my blackberry and I uploaded them to Facebook but now to get them here it's another story.   Yes! Yes!  I think I got them now.  Please tell me so :)

My bathroom remodeling is done and it looks wonderful!  I can't believe the difference.

Here is a pic of the finished bathroom (click on the links):

First stage - Hoping this works!

Forgot this Pic - Love It as it Shows The Porcelain Floor

Second Stage

Third Stage - With Mirror and Light Fixture

Final Stage - Shower Curtains Look Fabulous - If I May Say so Myself!

Another View of the Curtains - You'd Never Believe Where I Found These

I am thinking of buying shower doors but this morning happened to have gone shopping and saw these  curtains.  I had a hunch they would look good and they look fabulous.  After  spending so much on this remodeling, I will have to wait a while before buying shower doors

Monday, February 6, 2012

Go on Over...A Blog Post on Rejection and What Can We Learn From It

Admittedly I have a long way to go, but my first blog post for all of the world to see is now up on the Thresholds Short Story Forum.  Many thanks to all of the wonderful writers and readers I've met on the Forum and elsewhere (you know who you are) for their great encouragement.   And let's not forget the magic ingredient that will make every writer a better writer if only they'd do it more often:  WRITING AND MORE WRITING.  That's it - this is the magic formula - one I wished I had understood a long time ago.  I can already see a great improvement in my writing.  I was so self-conscious when I first started, wanting to impress,  wanting to sound intelligent.   Now I can simply be. 

Here's the link:  http://blogs.chi.ac.uk/shortstoryforum/?p=7989

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Where Have I Been?

What a week! And it's not over yet.  My nephew Joseph put it succinctly when he said how he couldn't believe that after seven years I am finally getting my bathroom redone.  He had lost hope he would ever see this day.  You see he lived with me for two years and even after he and my sister-in-law moved out, he'd heard me complain and drag my feet about it. 

Seven years.  I hadn't realized it's been seven years since my hand first went through the shower wall, spilling tiles and making a hole when I grabbed it to steady myself so I wouldn't fall.  Yes - for seven years I've been practically begging friends, family, strangers for a name of a contractor I could trust, for someone who wouldn't take advantage of a single woman. Someone who doesn't see dollar signs. In the meanwhile I'd gotten myself a shower curtain to protect the back wall from further damage.  I had come close to getting a contractor a couple of times.  At first it was the money.  Some of the quotes were outrageous, some were laughably cheap intended for me to sign on the dotted line and then I was sure the costs would slowly escalate.  Then it was lack of time and suddenly seven years passed.  I guess the planets must have all been aligned correctly and egged on by my son, a plan was put in motion, tiles were chosen, color palettes decided on and, miracle or miracle, a friend I hadn't spoken to in eight years got in touch with me and suddenly she had a contractor for me.   He came over.  I liked his laid-back style.  I liked how he didn't pressure me and suddenly I had no other excuses left.  Yes - I said excuses - for today I found myself crying uncontrallably as I drove out to enjoy the spring-like day as I thought of the room that was no more, that I no longer recognized.  That was the idea, wasn't it?  My contractor is rebuilding me a brand new, modern bathroom.  That's what I hired him for.  I should be happy, no?  It was then that it hit me.  I didn't really want the room to change.  I want nothing to change.  By resisting change, I could still pretend that things are as they were when I first moved into the house with my then husband and my two-year old son.  I could pretend that I hadn't gotten divorced, that was son hadn't grown to become the man he is, one who is ready to take his place in the world away from me, that my ex-husband isn't dead, that he's still alive.  

Of course, I'd known of this tendency of mine.  Right after I had gotten divorced, I couldn't bear to throw anything out or stand to be in the house alone.  I hated everything about it.  I was constantly in motion, every weekend visiting friends and family.  I never stayed home if I could help it.  By leaving everything as it was, my anxiety level was held in check.  Providence had other plans.  It started when I needed to knock my back yard shed down.  I had no choice and when it was done, I spilled a few tears.  I couldn't bear to look at the empty spot without remembering all of the happy times we had.  Now, not even two weeks later, I am undertaking another major renovation.  Who knows, I might even do the kitchen next.  I hate change.  This is what I learned this week.  I want to be in control.  But I can't control time.  I can't control anything.  So far the renovation is turning out fine.  I'm so very grateful of the contractor I have.  I trust him to do the right thing by me.  All of the catastrophes I had imagined and dreaded have not come to be and each day that passes by, my anxiety lessens.  This is day two, tomorrow will be day three but I am still on pins and needles until the final reveal, until all of the pieces come together.  At the end of it, I should have a brand new, modern bathroom.  I think I might even be able to do the kitchen next.

I am holding my breath.