My Memory is Not What It Used to Be...And My Brilliant Idea

It's confirmed.  My mother says this to me all the time but I didn't think it would ever happen to me, and not so soon anyway.  Sure, I'd forget things here and there but not like this!  This brain-sieve is very detrimental for us writers and so having a pen and paper handy is a MUST. 

I'm sure you can relate.  Haven't you had an idea and said to yourself you'd write it down and never did?  In the old days, the idea would come back to me at the most inopportune time. Lately though it's not happening at all!  Once I forget, I forget for good.  As my nephew Joseph says when he'd see my mother shove things into her humongous handbag, in his droll, funny way: "It belongs to the labyrinth now."  Trust me - you had to be there - it's side-stitchingly funny.

Well, it happened again but for once, I'm happy to report, I listened.  I'm working on a couple of WIPs:  one is a horror/paranormal short story, a coming of age novel, a literary short story and an historical, romance novel.  Different genres - nothing like spreading myself too thin - but I've been stuck on my coming of age novel for a couple of months now and the more I'm on Twitter and the more I immerse myself in the nuts and bolts of the publishing world, the more I realize that the way my novel exists now, no agent would want to touch it.  Of course, exceptional writing will get you everywhere too but I'm not so deluded to think that I even come close!

All good and well -- you think your book is brilliant -- but will it sell?  While pondering this, I suddenly hit upon a wonderful idea for my novel that would incorporate all the bits and pieces I already had, plus, having that little extra something that I hope will make agents salivate.  

I am so glad that I did not give into my usual, "I'll write it out later" mode, otherwise I could have waved bye-bye to my wonderful idea.  It just so happens that I did have to go out, and my son was impatiently waiting, but I told him we had to wait until I had finished typing.

Now it's two weeks later.  After reworking my paranormal short story -- will it ever end? -- and letting it simmer in the background, I decided to go back to my brilliant idea.  Long story short - I have two Word Processing programs on my notebook (my moon is in Gemini what can I say -- multi-tasking is a way of life for me) neither one has full capabilities (Microsoft why did you have to do this to me - why do I have to spend more money??) so I find myself jumping from one program to the other when I need to do what one program cannot -- looking for the outline I swore I wrote.  I'd found one version in which I barely mentioned my twist, plus my old outline, but the idea wasn't fully fleshed out.  I was sure I practically wrote the entire novel right on the spot, or enough that would pull me through this new direction, but where was it?   I knew I'd typed it up because I recalled how elated I felt that I'd found the answer I was praying for.

I suddenly felt sick to my stomach.  Did I not type it?  Was this all I wrote?  Believe me, my whole spirit sank down to the floor until I decided to check the other Word Processing program --perhaps I'd saved it there!   Well friends, I'm happy to say that's exactly what happened.  I'm soo happy.  Most of the new storyline was actually outlined, incorporating the new and old.  

The sad thing about all this is that had I not found it, I WOULD NOT HAVE REMEMBERED ONE IOTA except the very obvious, original new twist.  Sad, isn't it?  Let this be a reminder to all of you to never, ever walk away when you are bubbling with ideas.  This has happened to me too many times even though you'd think I'd learn after the first time.  As a matter of fact, I could have been written the 'Twilight' books instead of Stephanie Meyer!!!  Yes, it's true, I had the same dream...

Has this ever happened to you?  If so, did you ever reclaim your wonderful idea or was it lost forever?

Let me know.

Au Revoir for now

Go on Over...A Blog Post on Rejection and What Can We Learn From It

Admittedly I have a long way to go, but my first blog post for all of the world to see is now up on the Thresholds Short Story Forum.  Many thanks to all of the wonderful writers and readers I've met on the Forum and elsewhere (you know who you are) for their great encouragement.   And let's not forget the magic ingredient that will make every writer a better writer if only they'd do it more often:  WRITING AND MORE WRITING.  That's it - this is the magic formula - one I wished I had understood a long time ago.  I can already see a great improvement in my writing.  I was so self-conscious when I first started, wanting to impress,  wanting to sound intelligent.   Now I can simply be. 

Here's the link:  http://blogs.chi.ac.uk/shortstoryforum/?p=7989

Sorry I Can't Be That Kind of Blogger...

That writes every day.  I just don't have the time.  There's so many projects hanging over my head but it's all good.   I hope you understand.  Besides my writing projects, I also have to keep up with my health.  I am woefully behind my exercise.  Need I say that this week in particular has been the pits for exercise?  Since Monday I probably got maybe one hour or exercise, if that.  I've been glued to my chair for seven straight hours today.  My tush is hurting me.  Yes, but do you think I can get up?  No.  I have too many deadlines I've imposed upon myself.  Once I go back to work, I'll have even less time to write.  As soon as I'm done here, I'll have to go back to my two short stories and also try tackling more of Celeste.


So far though the week has been very good to me.  Besides submitting the review for 'Vampire's Trill,' I also wrote a blog that hopefully will be available online.  As soon as I know, I will let you know.

I'm very excited that my book review is now also on http://frogenyozurt.com/2011/12/vampires-trill-by-lorelei-bell-a-first-review/.

In the meanwhile I want to wish everyone a wonderful Christmas and a Happy and Healthy New Year.  Wish you all much prosperity and may all your dreams come true.

P.S. I think I also like this font.  It's so much easier to read. 

I'll Get the Hang of this One Day - Happy Sunday and Two Mini-Reviews

All:  This post was first written on on my Blackberry. I'm guessing it was at the height of the summer craziness that is my job.  I've since continued it to include my latest musings.   

Side note:  Even though I've yet to write that great American novel or find a home for my short stories, I will not give up until I do so.

Blackberry Post:
Allelujah! This is my first Blackberry blog post composed while riding on my bus on my way to work.  I didn't think it would be possible but I guess Blogger must have heard my silent pleas.

I have been making lots of new friends on Twitter. At first I wondered why I even joined. Wouldn't it be a time waster after all?  Once I got into it however, I saw what a valuable a service it is for writers everywhere!  It's been so inspiring following such wonderful writers like Tania Hershman, Vanessa Gebbie  (Vannesa has a new book out too - "The Coward's Tale" and I want to congratulate her and wish her much continued success!), Alessandra Bava and so many other wonderful writers, all over the world, who inspire and encourage each other to succeed.  There's too many to mention in this post (Hi Heather McCorkle and The Critique Sisters!!), but each one adds something to my writing life every day.  Please visit their blog, join them on Twitter and support them.      

I was also very excited when my friend Lorelei Bell joined me on Twitter. She's written a very funny, exciting mystery book called "Vampire Ascending" that grabs you from the very first page.  She does it the good old fashioned way by great characters, setting and a mystery that involves Vampires.  Yes they are among us.  Her sequel is being published as we speak "Vampire's Trill,"  that continues to delve into the mystery of Sabrina's life.  I can't wait to read it.  I know it's going to be a fun and exciting read.   Please follow her @LoreleiBell.  As I've mentioned before I'm not into Vampire literature but that Sabrina Strong is one special character in more ways than one!  The book is a mixture of mystery, supernatural and just fun girl-power that is sadly lacking in books today.  Go Lorelei! 

I've also met another wonderful writer @tglong (Terri Long) who's written the very insightful book "In Leah's Wake."  Anyone who lives with teenagers will be able to relate to it.  Thank God my son bypassed those very dangerous teenager years and has become a wonderful young man, but many lose their way.  As soon as I started reading it, I was captivated by the very believable and down to earth characters and the decision they must make to reclaim their lives.  I highly recommend it. Again, it was Kismet, fate or just a coincidence, but I'm working on a coming of age novel (protagonist is nine yrs old) and I've been doing as much research on the subject as possible. It's a very ecletic list, as you can see.

Caio for now.  Ci sentiamo presto.  Good Night

Well, Well - Did You Miss Me?

Long time no hear. Yes, I'm finally at the keyboard and don't know what to do with myself first: I have a book to finish, stories to submit, reading to catch up on, friends to reacquaint with, closets to purge and a pool that I've yet to close. Aaah! It's clear that I need to find another job but in these desperate times this is not something to joke about. I know that I'm extremely lucky. There are many who would trade places with me but why do I pretend I can do it all? Will I be able to survive my demanding job AND fulfill my dream of being a writer? I'll be honest - I'm not sure.

I was supposed to have been on a cruise or at least getting myself prepared for one, but the weather is not cooperating. Too many storms originating from Cape Verde and potentially making landfall in the Caribbean. In my usual obsessive way, I've read everything there is to know about hurricanes and their effects on cruise ships. I know how, when, and where they originate from, poured over maps and learned out to read them until finally there was nothing else I could do except nix the cruise for this year. I wouldn't be losing any money because I hadn't booked it yet. Well, why not you say?

Lately everything I do is at the last minute. My job is soo consuming that I can't even plan a vacation! Maybe next year? I do have another two weeks of vacation. Maybe I'll take a cruise in November. All is not lost though. I see this setback as a sign that the universe is urging me to finish my book and polish those short stories and SUBMIT them already. Let's face it, I wouldn't have written anything on the cruise; too many distractions. Instead, weather permitting, I am sunning and relaxing in my backyard. As soon as I see a speck of sun, I run out with my bathing suit, sun screen, and all of my technological accoutrements (laptop, my two blackberries, notepads and notebook) and bask in it while I write and read.

I've already gotten some pool time in. Last Friday the pool was absolutely perfect. Yesterday I had about an hour or two before the clouds set in; today it's gotten much cooler but I lasted for about two hours before the wind picked up and the clouds chased me back in. My neighborhors must be laughing at me - everyone else has their pool closed! Only 'moi' still has it opened, but partially covered. You see, I close my pool in stages, thereby maximizing the pool to it's full potential. I don't despair if I can't close it all at once. As long as the chemicals are in and the cover is on, I can rest assured that my son will do the rest of the dismantling (Thank you son!). According to the weather report, the temperature will rise again towards the end of the week and, keeping my fingers crossed, I might be able to go in one last time. I know, I know - it is October but this cold snap was unexpected. The last vacation I had was in March and I am so desperate for some time off, even if it's spent at home. It's been a fruitful time so far. Two weeks ago I submitted two of my stories to an online literary journal and yesterday was spent editing and rereading. I'm extremely happy with the two short pieces that I've recently written. I will be editing these with an eye for submission. And then there's Celeste - my short story/novelette/novel. Celeste refuses to stop nagging me. She wants her story told. This will be her week, I'm certain.

What's keeping your from writing? What are you struggling with? Do you think I'll make it? Anyone have a crystal ball?

No I haven't fallen off the face of the earth....

Psst...just wanted to tell this post was started on June 5th!

No - I haven't disappeared.  Nothing nefarious happened to me that can't be explained by this one phrase:   life has gotten to be very busy of late.  Summer is the busiest time of the year for me for many reasons.  First my son has returned from college.  Life as I know it changes, but in a good way.  My son's return also means it's time to open up the  pool, time to clean the backyard and time to do some gardening.  As the Bible states "...a time for every purpose under heaven."  

I don't have a garden per se -- one day -- but I love to buy flowers and pot them in my planters and place them strategically around the backyard so that I can pretend to have a real garden.  Then there's my job.  My job just heats up in the summer (pardon the pun!).  It gets so busy that I actually can't wait for September to roll around.  I barely enjoy the summer anymore.  Something must be done.  I want my summer back and I think once my son finishes college, I should look for a less stressful job.  Wish I could ditch the job all together and write all day but that's another dream... 

After the pool is opened, the flowers planted, I look forward to enjoying the pool even if it's just on the weekends.  (This has been my first weekend fully devoted to me - but alas, the sun is playing hide and seek with the clouds.)

June was not very kind weather wise.  If I remember correctly since it's now just a blur - the weather was lousy.  I could count the number of times I used the pool.  Even the one day that my boss gave me her blessings to work from home, the weather quickly deteriorated and great, big black clouds pursued me as soon as I had a free moment that I could have taken a dip.  Whenever I'd look up from my laptop, the sky above me was dark and turbulent while further in the distance i was sure someone had clear, blue skies.   But it wasn't all work.  I did have some fun and wonderful surprises in May.  First I won Vampire Ascending by my good friend Lorelei Bell.  Sabrina, her main character, kicks butt and finds herself in very unusual circumstances, surrounded by Vampires and shape shifters and mired in a mystery she was chosen to uncover, yet everyone can relate to her.  I truly enjoyed it and I'll say it right off the bat (pun very much intended!) I am not a fan of Vampire fiction yet Lorelei has a different take on it which you have to read to find out!  Furthermore Sabrina has a gift that makes her special (she's a touch clairvoyant) yet at heart she wants what everyone else wants.  Will she get it?  I can't wait to read the sequel to find out.

Lorelei really knows how to suck you in (need I say it again?) into the world her characters inhabit.  I am hoping to write a review as soon as I have the time.

I'm still in the middle of hell.  Once the summer is over, I'll have the time to write again.   Today has been a gift in more ways.  I can finally use my notebook when I'm out sunbathing.  I didn't realize that I only had to lighten the screen.  I couldn't see a thing!  Once the fall is here though, I'll have time to write and be with my online friends who inspire me to become a published writer one day.

When fall comes, only the most basic necessities will be tended to - the laundry, the food shopping, hopefully the exercise!  Working 12 hour days definitely does not give you time to exercise and that's another reason why I have to find another job but before I start on another tangent --  I won ANOTHER book.  May was short story month and to publicize the short story, Tania Hershman along with other blog writers were given away one short story collection.   My name was picked again!  I should have entered Lotto but who had time?  Anyway, thank you Tania Hershman and all other writers and newbie writers like me who want to keep the short story alive!!!  I won Roy Kesey's award-winning short story collection All Over.  I anxiously waited it for it and lo and behold the package soon came in the mail.  What a beautiful collection it is - inside and out.  The cover is amazing!  Needless to say I was captivated and effortlessly transported into its world as soon as I started reading it, as if I've always been there lurking in the shadows.  I know these people.  They are not strangers to me.  This is what good writing does.  The writing doesn't have to show off in order to make you pay attention.  I haven't finished all of the stories yet -- I'm hoping to do so this weekend -- but the ones I read so far have been wonderful.    

I have even managed to do some writing of my own.  You can just imagine how jealous I was after reading Lorelei's book and then Roy Kesey's.  I was afraid to look at my stories and I resisted as much as possible but last week between doing laundry and watching the movie "The Others" I actually starting rewriting one of my short stories and LIKING it.   I'm hoping this forced haitus has made me a better writer, that subconsciously there have been changes that I'm not aware of but will come through in my writing.  There have been so many twists and turns in my life lately that I can only believe that I'm being led somewhere.

Meeting Lorelei has been another one of those coincidences that I can't explain.  It all started last fall when I happened to have found the Thresholds Short Story Forum.  Since then universe has immersed me in writing and has littered my way with authors and writers who have all been wonderful inspiration; who've helped me fine-tune my vision; and who've given me the confidence to continue on my journey. I'm still a work in progress, obviously.  I don't know when I'll have anything published, if any.  I am hoping that now that the first rush of summer is over, I can find the time to schedule my writing once again.  But to get back to Vampire Ascending (sorry but I'm here again!), the funny thing is that I am not really a fan of Vampire fiction (I know - I've already told you this - apologies!) and I didn't know Lorelei from the proverbial Adam...I tried reading the Twilight books (I think I have the last one) but I just couldn't get into it.  To be honest what made me click on Lorelei's link was the book cover she posted on the Writer's Digest Community page.  From there I read the blurb and it sounded interesting to me and the rest is history.  Anyway friends, it's time to go to bed.  Tomorrow is going to be a very busy day.  103 new people will be starting and we have to make sure they have everything they need as soon as they hit the desk!  Next Monday (July 18th) there's another 200 people.  I can't wait for next week to be over but in the meanwhile here's another shoutout to Tania Hershman and Lorelei Bell.  Thank you so much!

Thank God It's Friday...Grazie a Dio che e Venerdi'

Hello Friends/ Ciao Amici,
I have so many Aliases I'm even confusing myself/Ci'ho tanti nomi che mi sono confusa pure io!

E la storia della mia vita / It's the story of my life

I've always live two lives/Ho sempre vissuto due vite (my Italian friends if this is incorrect, please let me know!)

Italiana/Americana/Seria/Capriciossa/Artista/Fannulona/

Spero che un giorno avro' soltando una identita' e che' il mondo sapra' di me/One day I hope to have one identity and that the world will know of me!

Okay enough of the experiment.  I wanted all of you to know what's it's like to know two languages.  I love it.  I wish I knew more languages except that it's troublesome when I try to explain or express certain feelings or ideas.  My emotions are still tied up with my Italian heritage.  Certain Italian words evoke the deepest stirrings:  Neve (snow), mela (apple), Fior di mandorla (almond flowers?). mare (sea), for example.  Sometimes I am caught unaware and the Italian word will come to me before the English word.

At one time- I wanted nothing to do with being Italian.  I wanted to be American through and through, but if you wish to write, like I do, you need to become friends with your deepest feelings -- you cannot shun them -- and I've come to realize that those were formed growing up in Italy.  Like it or not, they must be examined and archived so they can be retrieved at will, but they cannot be cast off.  But this conversation is getting way too serious for a Friday night! I'm off to add more color to my page.  Hopefully it will make you smile and want to come back more often.

Ciao per ora/Bye for Now - Buona Notte - Good Night!

It's Late - Where Did the Time Go?

My brain is mush.  It's 9:50 and I'm a little woozy, not from anything I'm drinking - thank you very much - no it's from tiredness and those darned allergies.  The cicada's are having another party in my left ear.  It's my fault.  After coming home from work, Physical Therapy, eating a slice of pizza-I know it's bad for me-and getting myself comfortably tucked into bed with my trusty notebook on my lap, my intentions were to start revising "Celeste" and print another story I'm working on.  Unfortunately no such thing happened.  By the time I responded and made comments on some posts, and then fiddled with my blog page, it was time to write the dang post.  It's now 9:55pm.  I'm procrastinating my friends!  Yep, I'm in the danger zone. I can very easily fall off the cliff never to be seen again, as a writer that is.  I cannot let it get to me.  Yesterday I was pretty down on my myself.  But today I did see a glimmer of hope.  I cannot be discouraged.  Sometimes I wonder if I want success.  Perhaps I really don't.  Perhaps there's a part of me that is stalling and dragging her  feet because it's not on board.  It's all of the old tapes that were never destroyed, that are still lurking within me; like a dangerous infection it will quickly gobble up all that I have achieved.  But I won't let it.  I will print out my story.  I will work on Celeste. Until 11:00 pm and then tomorrow is another day.        

Ciao - until tomorrow  

Another Dreary Saturday - Sometimes Dreams are Just Dreams

First I want to apologize if you've been receiving too many of my posts.  I thought about this as I was updating my poem.  I shouldn't post until I'm ready to.  Perhaps the way to go is to save everything I write as a draft and then when I'm absolutely, absolutely sure it's perfect, I will post.  The problem is that in the past I've waited for the absolute perfect, perfect version which kept me from submitting my work or showing it to anyone.  I see now what a mistake that was.  Sure.  How old am I now?  But you know the saying, "youth is wasted on the young."  So true, but that time was not all wasted and the decision is not irreversible.  I am making up for lost time.  Sometimes getting what you want is not the answer.  Maybe the universe was keeping me from making an even bigger mistake!


I don't want to keep harping on this, but you must let your writing see the light of day even if you don't become the success you think you want to be.  Don't let your writing fester in dark closets or under the bed,  picking up dust. 


I haven't had an arresting dream in a long time. This morning I remember one part vividly:  I was with a bunch of friends who were planning a rock concert and they were going on about what a great concert it would be, etc., etc., and I, or a version of myself as the voice of reason said, "You must remember you can dream all you want, but sometimes dreams are just dreams."   Will this be true for me?  I hope not.   


Ciao for now.  I need to get back to the business at hand - more editing - hopefully writing the most  amazing stories that publishers will fall all over themselves to publish.

Sorry after saying all that about not posting too many times, here I go.  I had to change the font - it's too small for me to see!

Still Suffering

Yep, my allergies again.  I really should have gone to bed already but here I am.  Can't resist.  It is thrilling to be able to come here and write whatever I wish.  What a gift.  I remember when (I feel really old now!) I used to write my thoughts down in my journal, with pen and paper even, and here I am typing on my notebook.  My first ever word processor was a pc junior, which I think I still have - don't ask there's a hoarder in me I swear, in fact I'm sure of it, my son thinks so too!  My first word processing program was Word Star, which was pretty easy to use, but what a mess my writings were!  I had to use computer paper!  Then my life was re-routed, one of many detours, by some unseen forces, call it destiny or fate or kismet.  I'm just glad I'm here today.    

I reread A Taste of Nightshade while getting physical therapy and I saw things I didn't like.  By the time I came home it was late and I'm not in the mood to read it again.  Tomorrow.  Pretty soon it's the weekend and I'll have two full days of uninterrupted writing pleasure!

Ciao friends - until tomorrow

Inner Dialogue - Rewritten A Much better Version I hope

 

Inner Dialogue

The how and why have been
decided
you've toiled through
many sleepless nights
you've even had a dream
or a nightmare or two
but your masterpiece is done
you're sure of it, 
Oh the joy
until you read it
and with a sober eye
you wonder just what were
you thinking? 

Oh yeah? Oh really?  
You make me
laugh, you really do
you are so deluded,
you are no writer 
you are just a hack.

Face it,
it has to end here.
No use living in dreams.
But no, you shout
it just needs an edit or two, 
I'll be more judicious
and move a sentence here
and where I've
said too much, 
I'll keep it simple,
I swear
I'll remove this adverb
one adjective will do instead of two!

But eventually you must review
you know you do,
postponing it as long as possible,
until it cannot be avoided.
"Buck up"  you tell yourself,
And with baited breath
you either melt in ecstasy 
or despair.

You chose to write, 
to live this life
inhabiting nebulous 
unspoken worlds
searching, 
wavering between 
the here and now
your words a record
of the endless struggle
to reach the essence of things.



© copyright Doradeecee, 2011